Right now, more than ever, men are clued up about what it means to be a successful lover and an effective sexual partner. However, thanks to the media, 99% of guys out there have the wrong idea when it comes to dealing with certain issues related to male sexuality. A prime example of this is ejaculatory control.
Sex and the City, “How to be a Great Lover” T.V. programmes, and a whole host of other misinformed shows and systems have actually contributed to the problem of male orgasm control as opposed to serving their intended purpose of solving it. Fortunately, real answers and approaches exist.
First of all, we’re going to look at the number one incorrect method of holding back your approaching orgasm and extending your sexual performance. This technique is actively used by 1000’s of men every single day because, thanks to misguiding information, they’ve been led to believe it can actually help them. It’s the “Distract and Disassociate” method. Faced with involuntary ejaculation, many men try to distract themselves during intercourse, in an attempt to disassociate themselves from the pleasure and ultimately prevent orgasm. In theory, this soundslike a great idea. But in practise, more often than not it makes things worse.
Thinking about dead puppies, your naked mother-in-law, or counting backwards from 1000 in your head, are all techniques used by men to try and distract their inner-selves from the situation at hand – the sex. But it’s an all out bad idea, for two simple reasons.
It’s not about transferring one form of anxiety (the prospect of ejaculating too quickly) into another, albeit sexually unrelated, consciousness (the negative or mind-numbing thoughts of dead animals and monotonous backwards counting).
To put it simply, do you really want to make a conscious effort to distract yourself from what should, or could be the most pleasurable activity in your life? Taking your mind off the pleasure and trying to extend your performance, if it even works, only benefits the female. Instead, a much more effective approach is to control your urge to ejaculate while being fully satisfied yourself.
The lesson in all this?
Don’t tune out of your body, TUNE INTO IT. That’s the subject of this very important chapter, entitled ‘Know your body, Know yourself’. The first section in this chapter is all about identifying your arousal level and using it to your advantage.
THE PLEASURE SCALE
Now you know how vitally important tuning INTO your body is as opposed to tuning out, we can move forward. The only way to control when you ejaculate with consistent, reliable results is to become absolutely familiar with your different levels of sexual arousal. Once you know exactly how you feel as you approach orgasm, you’re then able to implement the techniques detailed later on in this manual, and in turn become completely in control of your excitement levels and ultimately in full control of your orgasm.
To set out the various levels of arousal and make understanding this process really simple, we’re going to use The Pleasure Scale. As well as clearly defining each point of sexual stimulation, the pleasure scale will be used later on, in chapter 5, to make practising the control and restraint of your orgasm much easier. Let’s take a look at it.
Here is what each number going up the left hand side of the scale means in terms of a male’s sexual arousal, and how each level changes during sex.